#10 (444 words)

I watch a commercial filled with brown silk and an olive skinned brown eyed girl in its midst, indulging in a square of chocolate.  It’s supposed to be gourmet.  Probably expensive.  Luxurious, sinful, selfish. 

I’ve never seen a man in one of these lush, airbrushed, beatific ads.  I guess men don’t eat chocolate unless it’s hidden between two meat patties or a candy bar.

But I eat chocolate like that.  Ever since Shay.

We were both seventeen.  She was shaped like a boy.  She’d had big boy wrists and played guitar sitting on the hood of my car in her cut-offs and sandals.  Meandering stuff, a string then another, but it sounded honest.  I loved her. 

I bought her candy and flowers.  Well, my Ma bought the good candy- some deluxe sort of chocolate squares- and told me better than roses, poppies.  White poppies.  And when I bought them, I thought they were perfect for Shay.

She loved them, the poppies.  And when she offered me a piece of the chocolate, I shoved the whole deal in my mouth.  She laughed.

“You are supposed to take a little bite and let it melt on your tongue.  It’s supposed to be an experience.”

Aw, c’mon Shay.  Guys don’t suck candy.

“I know.  You men have to show you’re tough by chewing.  Not everything’s to be treated like a steak, my friend.”

And that laugh.  That laugh that was calm and not at anyone but just was.

“I won’t tell any of our friends I’ve taught you to eat chocolate like a civilized gentleman.  In front of them, you can cram it all in your mouth.”

She broke a little piece off and put it on my tongue, then put a piece on hers and we let it melt on our tongues, dark flavor spread over my tongue.  And warmth, a warmth that began in my mouth and moved slowly all over my face.

“See?” Shay said.  “An experience.  Better than just a mouth full of goo right?”  Then I remember the look on her face.  “And here’s the best part…”

And she kissed me.  A chocolate kiss.  A slow dissolving, warm chocolate kiss.  Real gourmet stuff.  No kiss has come close, not even Helen’s- though she’s not too shabby, I’ve got to say.  She’s kept me in a good supply of kisses for going on thrity years now. 

But there’s never been another like Shay.

Anyway.  Every time I see one of these commercials, I think of Shay.  Every damn time, but I gave up chocolate the day she died.  But I don’t need it anymore.

It’s still with me, still on my tongue.


chocolate in the masculine
(Copyright 2008)

~ by c on November 24, 2008.

One Response to “#10 (444 words)”

  1. i love you.
    it’s cold here.
    Chocolate in the Masculine is the sun.

    she writes!
    she writes!

    Shh… Just you & me, k?

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